Sandy's Birthday Wish List

Well, tomorrow is my birthday. Twenty-eight years young. To be honest, I don't feel much like celebrating. Cam's 28th birthday was exactly 2 weeks before mine and I feel a little guilty celebrating something that Cam will never get the chance to celebrate. But, I also know Cam would call me crazy for not celebrating my birthday. His philosophy was that birthdays should be celebrated. And, presents given should be something that you don't NEED, but you WANT...and something you don't usually buy for yourself. So, in honour of my birthday I have decided to come up with my own lil' wish list:

1. Spa day, complete with mud bath, hot stone massage, pedicure and eye brow shaping- Check. Spa day booked for tomorrow...all day long....

2. Day off work- Check. Vacation day. No guilt even.

3. 5 day yoga and meditation retreat. Someplace warmer than Edmonton, cheap-ish, relaxing, and spiritual- Check. Confirmed today. Flight to California- Check. Booked today. Flight paid for by travel rewards. Even better.
Sandy's Vacation

4. "A wall to hang a picture on." For my birthday, I am in the process of buying Cam's house for myself. For the first time since Cam died, I actually, genuinely feel a twinge of excitement. The picture on the left shows my street, complete with character homes, trees, and lots of leaves. Lots of them. The other picture is of me cleaning all the leaves out of the eaves. What I don't have a picture of is the 15 jumbo garbage bags that it took to clean up all the leaves. The truly miraculous part is that I actually enjoyed the yard work. Especially being on the roof. I didn't even consider jumping...kidding.

5. A tattoo.

6. I want people to check out the new links on the right hand side of the page. Please and thank you.

I'm sharing my low points....

I sit with reserve
I sit with envy
I sit with longing
I sit holding my own hand
(you should be there)
and I imagine your hand
on my back
and your words of reassurance
whispering in my ear
(you should be there)
When, infact, all I hear
is the constant ringing
of quiet.
I try to sense the shell,
I have to create,
to feel the security
stability
reassurance
that I (have to) give myself.