More from the morning pages...

Several months since my last blog entry is indeed a very very long time. Especially considering the claims I made last blog entry about writing more, taking excerpts out of my journal etc. All just lip service I suppose.
I am starting to wonder about the purpose of this blog. My profile is out of date. I would no longer describe myself as a "cyclist in the far north," or that "passions" alone are enough to capture my heart in friendship or love.
I don't really know where to begin with blog updates, or even a profile description for that matter. I have a hard time summing up who i am in two years of meditation, never mind a short and sweet online post.
Do i even enjoy blogging any more? What i really want to write about is my grief journey - it is the only area i really feel passionate about. But, part of me keeps saying "keep it for the book" - the book that gets worked on even more rarely than this blog. OH well, the intention is there...it will transpire in time.

Tonight i am at home, having some much needed "Sandy Time," which involves drinking wine and reading old journals. I thought i would write some of my favorite stories and quotes...mostly just to write something, and because i secretly love everything i write.

March 20th.
Its Thursday today. Spring equinox at 5:48am. That is the time the sun crosses over the equator into the northern hemisphere. It is the time we get our sun back, to warm and light our bodies that have been without it for so long. Tomorrow night is the full moon. What a time for new beginnings, or perhaps it is a time in which light is shed on the parts of us that have been dark for too long. Parts of ourselves that are peeking out around a corner saying, "is it safe for me to come out now?" The full moon, so they say, is fully reflecting the light of the sun, in the same way our soul is alight to the truth of the universe. The moon dazzles me. Its perfect whole shape. Its glowing light. Its waxing and waning. Its power. I always see the moon first, then sense the stillness, as I stand in my backyard with my head tilted to the sky. It's almost as though the moon, and it's radiant glow, reminds me of the vastness of our universe and the power of nature that we are a part of. You cannot gaze at the sun, which is unfortunate, but you can gaze at the moon. Metaphorically, the moon sheds light on darkness, lights a path where otherwise you may not see. I guess it does this literally as well.

March 22nd.
Change of season. Change of setting. I awoke at the lake today. At 5:11 the first time, then again, at the more reasonable time of 8:30. When i awoke, the dogs were restless to say the least. So, Kuma and I went for a stroll in the back paths. I strolled. She raced. She was one excited puppy - this is for sure. She was instantly 6 months old again, and very happy to be on a walk - ecstatic to be off leash. As she raced though the bushes, I assessed the damage - the frightened, but thankfully still camouflaged, white rabbit hiding on the white snow, and who knows what other creatures disturbed form their morning routines. She ran with abandon, until her tongue was hanging to her knees. Now she is sleeping beside me. Sprawled out on a fluffy dog bed, sun bathing and snoozing. This dozy fur ball, I call "the assassin." It's tough to believe at moments like this. Until a squirrel chirps and she is instantly up, listening and on guard. I trust her assessment of the situation. Any situation for that matter. I see her ears twitch in a certain direction before i even hear the threat - which is most likely one of three cars that drive by, or people walking to the end of the road. If she twitches her ears to the left, then gets up and stretches and stares down the road, I know Matt is driving towards the cabin. And, if she stands stiffly with her ears pricked and legs slightly flexxed and tense, i know it is a dog coming down the road, or one of the people who own a dog who she regularly stalks from the end of her leash. Oh, the assassin.
I thought she was going to assassinate me last night. I went outside to check on her, and found she had got herself tangled around two trees, a flower pot and the back end of a ski doo. I unclipped her leash and pulled it around and through the obstacles. She must have been in this predicament a while because she was sure excited to be freed. First she pounced at me, aiming to attack my feet. Next she used one paw and her head to try and trip me - a fancy move for a canine. She took full advantage of my mid calf sorrel boots, which she could easily grab with her mouth. I was trying to get away (yes, i was a little scared- she is way tougher than me), which was actually to her advantage because then she could come at me from behind. Combine her doggy ninja moves with the Chubakka-Meets-Cujo growl, and i was pretty sure she was going to have her way with me. I was relieved once she started to corn nibble the snow, as i realized she was just happy to be free.

And, the winner of the Best-Opening-Line-Of-My-Morning-Pages goes to:
March 26th.
So, do morning pages count if they are done in the morning, but from work? I slept in this morning, so in true efficiency style I have combined the two and here i am "working," only on my morning pages not on "work" in the traditional sense. I have my Starbucks and my favorite pen! Priorities...