PRESS RELEASE- NightTime Sandy Makes Rare Appearance

Blog News has just received word that NightTime Sandy was spotted roaming the streets of Calgary last weekend. Witnesses say she was spotted piggy backing her friends home from the bar, just off 17th avenue late Saturday night.

Allegedly, NightTime Sandy and a known close accomplice were invited to a party being hosted by mutual friends known only as R and C. Apparently this party took place in a private room of a restaurant where the pastas were laced with copious amounts of red wine. Our investigators have questioned the bar staff and understand that NightTime Sandy was seen socializing, drinking, and even dancing…sort of. The waiter overheard NightTime Sandy confide in her accomplice, "I have to pee, but I am afraid to go to the bathroom, for fear I won't be able to walk!"

Long after every other bar in the city had closed, a group was seen leaving the above mentioned bar. Witnesses say they knew NightTime Sandy was in the pack, because one of the females was piggy backing some of the men. This "party trick" is known to be in NightTime Sandy's repertoire of drinking super powers.

Blog News located a friend of the accused at her workplace, who had this to say regarding the assumption that it was actually NightTime Sandy piggy backing the men: "Oh, the piggy back," sighs her friend, "after drinking, NTS becomes very, very, strong, and can do many things in heels, including piggy backing men, climbing fences, and walking across the top of High Level Bridge. She really has no fear, and actually does think she is Wonder Woman."

Besides piggy backing, sources close to NightTime Sandy say she can consume generous amounts of food after an evening of carousing. With this tip, detectives on the case have determined the group likely then made a pit stop at "Tubby Dog." When the late night staff were questioned they confirmed that two attractive females were spotted ordering an usually large quantity of food including two "A-Bombs" (a gigantic hot dog topped with cheese sauce, bacon, ketchup and potato chips...Mmmm).

Witnesses say the group was quite gitty and silly, and laughed the whole way home. How curious.

NightTime Sandy had no comment about the evening when questioned on the apparent hilarity of the walk home. She then mumbled something about "looking natural," "sitting on air," "secret handshakes," and "being out of your #*)%* mind."

Considering it is Tuesday, and NightTime Sandy is still giggling and smirking, the public strongly believe that something funny did indeed take place. Our crew at Blog News will remain on the case until further information is gleaned from this rare, rare, occurrence.

The Awesome Power of "Telling the Story"

(click on the title for more information on this topic)

The comfort of strangers.

It's not what you think. It was really quite beautiful. It lasted one night. A couple of hours at the most.

No, I'm not dating, and didn't have a one-night stand. Just a wonderful sharing between two semi-strangers. This is how it went:

Amy and I went to the bar in Canmore on Saturday night for some good old-fashioned girl's night action. We ended up running into some of Amy's friends from her past life. One guy in particular stood out. I immediately like him.

I attempted conversation. "I'm an Occupational Therapist," and "I work at a hospital in Edmonton," seemed to be the only descriptions of myself that fit these days. All the while I'm thinking, "please don't ask me anymore questions."

We drank, we talked, and as the night when on, the inevitable happened. We started discussing relationships. At this point I took great interest in my nails and further examination of all the wrinkled spots on the back of my hand, wishing that I actually knew how to disappear. Then the dreaded questions:

"Sandy, do you have a boyfriend?"
"Nope, single" (what is that? A hangnail?)
"Really a girl as sweet and cute as you, single?"
"Yep," and in an attempt to change the subject, "You? Girlfriend?"
"Yes, but it is an awkward situation; Anyway, why are you single? At 28?"
Blood pressure rising. "It's an awkward situation,"
"What is it?"
(ohmigod) "Trust me, you don't want to know."
He pressed on. "No, I do, what is it?"
Deep breath: Inhale…thinking…exhale.
Curling my toes as hard as I can within my shoes and….
"It's awkward because my boyfriend died in June."

There. I said it. To a complete stranger no less.

I immediately felt like I jumped into a black hole. Pause.

Turns out, this guy is one of the most compassionate men in the black hole of awkward social interactions.

He wanted to know what happened. He asked. I told him. I even used Cam's name. He acknowledged, with great emotion, "your heart has been ripped out a broken." I cried. I told him, "I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved Cam," and that "I was going to marry Cam." He cried. He said "you loved him and he died." I nodded. "You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him and he died." I nodded.

He hugged me, a lot. It was wonderful. He wanted to know how I have been coping. I told him about my family, friends, counseling, acupuncture, journaling, and reading. I told him about my meditation retreat. I told him that what works for me is to be reclusive. I told him I like to spend time alone because having to interact with people reminds me how "their normalcy is hideous to me." (A quote, which I stole from a book, I read).

I confided in him that I felt silly because I had been looking for Cam all night long, at the same time fully understanding that he died, yet, searching anyway. I told him that "everywhere I look, what I see is NOT Cam, and I am start to wonder how on earth I will ever meet someone again." He reminded me that my "heart has been broken," and hugged me again. I told him "it's hard to live life as a 28year old in a society where so much emphasis is placed on being in a relationship." He hugged me again and said, "the last thing you need now is a relationship."

He told me his dad died two years ago. He was extremely close with his dad. I asked him, "what is your dad's name?" I sensed his shock, surprise and whole-hearted appreciation of my supporting that just because his dad died doesn't mean we can't talk about his personal details. Details that affirmed his life.

I told him it was so nice to be sharing my story with someone. It is nice to be telling the truth about my life, instead of answering every question so delicately, carefully, and falsely. It was nice to just get it out. The best part about the night is that that is all it was. There was no need to exchange numbers, write an email, or go for coffee. It was purely an "emotionally supportive one night stand." I spoke, I cried, I let someone hug me, and it was OK. I didn't lose control, I didn't scream, punch, or kick. I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.

Nearing the end of our conversation,he said,"I had no idea you were so C…."
"-Crazy?" I offered.
"No, Complex."

On Normalcy

Hmmm. I guess the 7-month mark is when a grieving person is expected to get back to normal.

I am actually surprised it took this long. Some books say that this expectation often arises 3 months after a death. Through my blog, I have made it my personal mission to make a point that things don't return to "normal" at 1,3, 6, or 7 months after a death. And, as a pre-emptive entry….for maybe even a year or two or ten.

Now, to get to the heart of the matter. When will things be back to normal?

In order to answer this question, one must consider what is normal? What is my normal? Hmmm. What era of my life should I examine to determine this "normal" level of function? Do I examine my life from before I met Cam? Before he died? Before Christmas? I'm not sure when or how to create my baseline. Besides, isn't this whole process forcing me to live in the past? Wouldn't want to do that….

Does it mean racing? training? Well, if so then it negates the normal way I lived when I played basketball and took step aerobics. Is normal when I was at University? I mean, I could go back. I have always thought about getting my masters.

Or is it likes and dislikes: I like cheese (always have). I like biking (for the past 8 years). I like exercise (always). The outdoors (always). I don't like cooked fish (although began eating sushi about 3 years ago). I don't like olives (unless they are the fancy ones). Hmmm. Nope. This is to variable to describe a state of "normal."

Maybe normal has to do with one's personality traits. Hmmm. I would say that I have always been a quiet person (ok, that still applies). Meek yet thoughtful (check). Fiery when tested (oh yeah). Adventurous (at times to the point of stupidity). Sensitive and caring (to a point of damage). Intelligent (I try to grow intellectually), dedicated (yep), motivated (in my opinion)…oh, the list goes on.

This could work. Personality traits seem to have the ability to stand the test of time. More or less. Although, how do you explain that ever since Cam died I have major gaps in my memory (not very intelligent). Or, the fact that I have lost all motivation because I am so emotionally drained. Did you know that people in grief actually release an enzyme that effects cognitive and physical function? It causes memory loss, physical pains, dehydration and a whole wack of other symptoms. Hmmm. It seems like even my body chemistry isn't normal.

So, as a motivated, intellectual woman, I decided to look up the definition of normal. This is what the ol' internet had to say:

nor·mal
adj.
1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations. Ok, not very helpful. I don't have much to conform with or adhere to. No matter what anyone says, my situation is unique to me. My life experience, my views, my opinions, my feelings and my thoughts make it impossible for my life to be standard, typical or in anyway adhering to the conventional norm. No way.

2. Biology Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies. I think I am functioning in a natural way. Grief is a natural process. I don't even think I have "abnormalities" because so far I have been unable to figure out exactly what "normal" is. I can't really define what is abnormal, now can I?

3. Relating to or characterized by average intelligence or development. Well, I got honours in school, I guess that means I am "above" average intelligence. High 5.

4. Free from mental illness; sane. Did you know that Freud actually describes grief as a temporary bout of bipolar disorder? Guess that is not "normal" either.

5. Something normal; the standard: scored close to the normal. Not helpful

6. The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree. Expected by whom? Other 28year olds that have never watched the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with die?

7. Correspondence to a norm. Do I even need to ask the question?


Then I found a definition on Wikipdia. It's abstract. It doesn't answer my question. It makes me think more than find a solution. It holds no expectation, no societal judgement. It doesn't talk about standards, and patterns, and norms. It creates an impression of fluidity, impermanence, and individuality. It inspires me to create normalcy as I go.

I love it. To me it's right.

What is normalcy? "The good old days that never were." (P. Massie)