An insult a day

For my birthday I got an "insult a day" calender from M and T. First thing every morning, I rip off yesterdays insult to view todays. Over the past three months, I have been saving the best ones to read when I need a little pick me up! These are the honourable mentions:
-Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life and you messed it up again.
-She said she was approaching forty and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
-I like you. I have no taste, but I like you.
-He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
-He's the kind of bore who's here today and here tomorrow.
-She was a mean, tipsy, powerful, rotten-egg lady.
And, my personal favorite:
-It's not your being such a bastard that I object to-it's your being such a stupid bastard.